Thursday, January 13, 2011

Well that went well. Or not.

So. OK I'm going to say it - I got derailed. When I initially came up with the idea to have a hundred dates in a year it was when I was gainfully employed and had the means to throw cash on the table and make a dramatic exit if I should need to.

Then I, like so many others got laid off.

And frankly, I didn't feel like using a blog as a forum to bitch about it. Instead, I sat on my sofa and got fat. Which in this city def. impacts your dating life. Vicious f'ing cycle isn't it?

Then I finally got a job (inevitable rant about that will come later).
Then I got laid off again and here we are.


C'est la vie.

So I'm changing tactics. I'm going to the gym, or walking or doing other things to keep my ass from getting any wider. I'm also going to take advantage of this space to pontificate and write down things that come to my mind. Mostly for my own entertainment but I'm doing it in a public forum so hopefully other folks might enjoy it. We'll see won't we?


I'm paying you for this?

It's true, it can be a thankless situation. Similar to the complaints my Mom used to have - when it's done well, it's rarely noticed. But when it's done bad - well, suddenly everyone has a voice.

What am I talking about?

Customer service.

Don't agree? When the casher gives you a smile, thanks you for your business and says have a good day, do you run out and tell everyone? Post an update in your status? Tweet it? Probably not, cause they're doing their job aren't they?

But you DO have an opinion when the cashier can't be bothered to hang up the phone, or if the airline doesn't seem to give a crap that you've flown with them almost exclusively for the last 5 years, or your mechanic sees your gender as a reason to inflate the price. Don'tcha.

Good customer service can result in silent thank yous - repeat business, contract renewals, customer loyalty, referrals and all that jazz. The adage 'the customer is always right' isn't really so far fetched if you're thinking of year over year growth of your business. And OK the customer isn't ALWAYS right - hell I've tried to return things I shouldn't have been able to return - however if the collective attitude is that of ensuring customer satisfaction then the concession can be made that there is a way to make the customer come correct, that leaves everyone with a positive memory of the experience even when the customer is totally out of line.

Bad customer service results in one thing only - loss of business. Doesn't matter if you're a bodega or an ad network. If for a moment you're under the impression that you can treat a customer badly and they'll continue to come back to you, you're either a utility company with a monopoly or you're AT&T with the iPhone (although that's about to change ain't it....), or you're completely delusional. Ignorance might be bliss but it's no way to grow a business.

But for everyone else, don't kid yourself - someone else out there offers the same or similar service/product that you do. You might be thismuch better but if you've treated me poorly, I WILL go directly to your competitor and given the chance I WILL work with them to improve their offerings through direct feedback JUST so they whomp your ass. Even if it costs me a little more money in the short term. It'll be interesting to see how Verizon fares with migration - lucky Apple who makes a great product, has great customer service and nurtures customer loyalty stands to make a killing selling new units...

So what about when the customer is misbehaving? The tarty gal that can't put her phone away for a second to conduct a transaction - treating the cashier like a fixture? The dude with a bizillion frequent flyer miles that walks up to the counter with his war paint on? The client that has no idea how to read the reports but is on the phone yelling already that the campaign is under-performing? Pains in the butt the lot of them. But let me be frank - THEY'RE GIVING YOU MONEY SO YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH IT. Consider that your reality check.

Providers of services and goods are partially to blame for this - how many times have you gone to a retail establishment to find that the cashier can't be bothered to smile or greet you or say thank you? Supermarket where the cashier can't even make eye contact or ask if you have a customer loyalty card? Hotel or airline that can't find your frequent traveler number automatically based on your name (do I really have to fish the number out?)? Customer service lines that transfer you to overseas call centers where people who barely speak the language read scripted answers to you based on key words in your inquiry?

Kind of makes you misbehave doesn't it? After a while as a consumer you can't be bothered to take your ear buds out can you?
Yeah, me either.

It's cyclical - we've trained our customers to behave badly. During the 'mini' recessions of the late 80's early 90's, I worked at a hotel as a front desk clerk at an 4 diamond/4 star, urban hotel (5 stars only go to hotels with pools). I couldn't help but notice that customers who behaved badly - those who screamed or yelled often got the best upgrades immediately - suites, free champagne, charges waived, percentage discounts - while customers who were nice earned their upgrades slowly and over time. That always struck me as assbackard. We're rewarding people for having a tantrum? WTH? What happened to asking nicely? I upgraded liberally to customers who deserved it.

And our customers have trained our front line - like the guy that refused to guarantee his reservation with a credit card, then took a swing at my head when he found the hotel sold out and his reservations cancelled. Or the woman in front of me in line who pointed out loudly that the checker in the grocery store had a strong accent and capped it with "you're not from America are you - you know we speak American here!" (Yes for the record, she and I had words, starting with the words mine being multisyllabic.)

Bottom line it goes both ways, and frankly it starts with the provider end of it. Here are a couple of tips worth considering;

1.) Treat your customers with the same respect and care you'd like to get. The general idea resonates through most of our worlds religions in some way or another, and while I'm not religious think of how pleasant things like public transportation would be if we all applied the 'do unto others' concept. Pregnant ladies and seniors with seats, backpacks off - the insanity...

2.) Value your customers - they're giving you money, make them want to do it again and again and again and again.....

3.) It's OK to say no - but be aware there are nice ways to say it. Better yet, don't say no, offer alternate solutions upfront. It puts you in control of the situation and allows you to be the hero. Wouldn't you rather be a hero than a tool?

4.) Better yet, instead of saying no, how about finding a mutually beneficial solution? That's right, use your head and figure out how to make sure the customer is happy and you're at the top of the list for continued business.

5.) Take customer loyalty seriously - The supermarket on the corner is overpriced at best, but I go back often because most of the clerks recognize me, and always greet me warmly, and make friendly small talk with me. I like it. It makes me want to shop there.

6.) Build the relationship - so many companies have loyalty programs. So many companies don't utilize them. If you know where I'm shopping and what I'm buying and where I fly and what seat I like and what room I stay in and my favorite freaking color - use that information to thank me for my continued business and make it easy (I'm talking to YOU Food Emporium!)

7.) Teach your team to appreciate the source of the funds that pays their checks - treat your customers like that first date you're trying to impress! Hold the door open, step to the side and let me pass, smile and say 'have a good day,' hand me the jar/can/bag from the top shelf so I don't have to climb it myself. Make my entire experience pleasant and I'll be back and often.

8.) Own your mistakes, and more importantly FIX THEM! When I call Fresh Direct or Zappos, even if I'm the one that ordered the wrong size or the wrong item or whatever the situation, they fix it for me. Free shipping, credits to my account whatever it is within reason, they make it good and they do it before I have a chance to get upset and demand greater compensation. You know why? Cause by doing that they're controlling the situation, maintaining the cost effectiveness of the solution, nurturing my loyalty and ensuring my repeat business.

9.)Maintain an honest dialog - sometimes there are issues beyond your control to fix - customer's creative is so bad it's repelling the audience, every single room is sold out, we're out of that dress in your size, boarding is delayed because you can't find the plane (true story). Whatever the case, don't lie to me, I know when you're lying. Tell me the truth (where it makes sense - I don't need details) but also tell me how you're working to fix the situation.

10.) Treat customers the way you want to be treated - this one bears repeating, and application across the board not just in business. Hold doors open, step to the right (in the U.S.), say thank you and excuse me, make eye contact, smile if you're caught staring at me on the train - all that jazz.

Good customer service is good business, good business' have a better chance of growth even in this economy. And even if you don't find yourself to be the next Richard Branson, there's nothing wrong with being nice to the people.


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Sucking face with frogs

I hear it's a numbers game. I even know some people that swear it is. And I have to admit, that caveats aside, they might have a point. What's that expression something about having to kiss a lot of frogs? (For the records, I have an aversion to amphibians and reptiles and don’t recommend anyone actually suck face with a frog, but hey – your lips, your call.)

But it makes sense. Logically, the more you date, the broader the pool and somewhere along the way, you might meet “him”! Either that or you decide to make good on that persistent threat to join a convent but either way there's action involved isn't there.

I think the challenge becomes the meeting of potential candidates. Certainly one or two bad dates are enough for me to rationalize getting cozy with my sofa on a Saturday night in a natural state of Fugly. Let's be honest - dating takes effort! If my own sense of self preservation permits me to open a packet of tuna (cans were too much trouble), fish it out with mismatched chopsticks and call it dinner, how am I supposed to motivated to pluck, paint, powder, and polish (we won’t even get into waxing) only to find myself sitting across from a penis attached to an yet to be identified species masquerading as a male human?

But the reality is that as much as I enjoy being single, nights like tonight when it’s something like 17 degrees outside, that I wouldn’t mind someone to curl up with on the sofa. And while I’m not the girl to look a man in the eye while swooning and claiming “you complete me” I would be remiss if I didn’t admit it would be nice to have someone around who can reach higher shelves than I can. Someone I could elbow in the ribs on a Sunday morning to go get dim sum in Chinatown and then help me carry the inevitable groceries that seem to follow us home because we decided to walk it off.

Anyhow here’s my idea. I want to see if I can get a bunch of my single girlfriends to try something. Unite in solidarity, and date. That’s right – welcome to the new knitting circle/ book club/fight club, we’re in it to win it! Date. On.

My goal here is to get somewhere around 100 women to go on something like 100 dates in 2010. I’m going to ask my single friends and their single friends to join the gang – there are already takers in NY, Philly and SF! We’ll share stories, invite feedback (good and bad) and provide support to each other as we slog thru the year. I promise to be candid and sincere (if snarky) and include my own adventures, and will gladly omit names and identifying details when asked. I’ll also take video and image submissions (keep it clean folks, if I wanted penis, I’d peruse Craigslist) where we have permission to share.

Why 100? Why not? The number is arbitrary – 100 just gives us something to aim for. 100 dates is also an arbitrary goal – cause lets me honest, that’s a lot of dates. I know myself well enough to know there is NO way I’m going to be going on 2 dates every single week - hell I could show up naked, with a six pack at a Raiders game and still not manage to drum up that kind of interest, but 100 is high enough to motivate, and reasonable enough that some people might actually make it.

In the next couple of posts, I’ll come up with some guidelines and suggestions. The first of which is, while anyone is welcome to follow along, comment and read, only friends and friends of friends will be invited to contribute stories. The rules are going to be more like general guidelines, intended to ensure some measure of filter on the B.S. For example Friends and Friends of friends ensures we can verify stories and hopefully helps us ensure the stories we tell are in fact ours to tell.

So leave me a comment, and click the follow button over there on the right. Share the link to this blog with your friends if you think they’d be interested in joining us. Once I start getting stories I’ll start posting them, until then I’ll just prattle on! I welcome your input and feedback!

If you want to ask me anything send me an email;



Wednesday, December 30, 2009


A couple of years ago, I went on a blind date.
A blind Internet date.
Actually, I went on a couple.

Having moved to New York the year before, I found myself without the safety net of the network I had back home. Long out of college, I also lacked the luxury of hours of forced interaction with my peers - punctuated by keggers to break the ice.

I had hours in an office, sitting at a computer without enough time to run out for lunch let alone socialize in any sort of meaningful way. Plus at my age, I found most of my peers married and many facing the challenge of being new parents - not exactly the happy hour crowd.

So I turned to the Internet - heck I was online all damn day anyhow. Seemed like the logical choice. I joined a dating site and dove in.

I chatted with various men, traded emails and phone calls and after weeding out the seeming obvious nutters, I whittled down the list to a select few candidates that I decided I could meet without wielding pepper spray and insisting the location included the word "precinct."

The first one was the artist from Brooklyn. Online, he had mad game - I may be a corporate girl but I like me some artsy, emo, hipsters with sick biceps. We had tapas and sangria in the east village and although there was ZERO chemistry, we got along famously and I found myself with my first new friend in NY. OK that didn't suck. I got brave and decided I'd try it again.

The next candidate was the fireman. So. Good. Looking. I totally bought into the hot NYC fireman stereotype the second he growled 'hello' to me. He was a gentleman, gallant, fun to talk to, just geeky enough to prevent intimidating me into a shyness induced he seemed like he was digging me. I'd like to say there is a way to look at a woman's ass without making her feel overly objectified and he had mastered this art.

He took me on the coolest first date I've ever had - corn beef sandwich at Katz' deli followed by live band 80's karaoke in the LES - unpretentious fun and something I'd never done - SCORE!!! We're on to date two!

Date two took us to the East Village - walking at night along Thompson Square park, stopping for an egg cream, grabbing a copy of the voice or some such and KABOOM!!

What the...
Someone ought to warn a girl when she jaywalks into hell.

It had a caricature of Osama Bin Laden in it - the Fireman saw it and freaked out. Now don't get me wrong, I have tremendous respect for the men and women who had to dig this city out of the horror that was 9/11, and I get that he lost a lot of friends, but I think if your impulse is to curse everyone out at less than subtle volumes, then perhaps you should get the kind of help that can't be afforded by a chocolate egg cream. Just saying. Wear a sign or something...sheesh.

Not to say that the crazy scared me off cause when he called me to take me out on Date three (and four) I went. However after the outburst (and the subsequent fire safety assessment of my apartment - I failed) I had to call it a day.

Onward! Yeah.

So the next subject shared photos with me that resembled a young Ricardo Montalban. (wait for it...) Mister tall, (he said he was 5'11") dark, (white tux - hair slicked back dark piercing eyes ) and handsome, who was a teacher (aww, he likes kids!) seemed like a dream come true! Wait for it....

I met him on the corner of the block that I lived on - now to be fair, he spotted me first. Probably, because I wasn't looking for Woody Allen. At 5'6" I found myself surprised to be able to see the bald spot on the top of his head, since it was supposed to be 5 inches above the top of mine and I don't in any way resemble a periscope.

And really, he was a dead ringer for Woody Allen. Circa 2009 just to be clear.

To add insult to injury, as we walked to a nearby bar (because I'm too polite to scream and run) he looked me up and down and said to me "you know, I expected you to be more petite. You did say you're half Japanese right?"

Hmm. Clearly this man has no sense of self preservation. He bought the first round - he insisted, so I bought the second. Who knew he was the CHEAPEST DATE ON THE PLANET - suddenly he was so drunk he sprouted four extra arms?? What the ....OKwhoastopitwhatthehellHEY!???

I claimed meetings etc. for the morning, and insisted I had to leave. He insisted he should walk me home... Oh Come ON! Well crap, OK fine gaaah!! Upon reaching the general vicinity of my apartment door (half a block), I turned and thanked him, and stuck out my hand to say good night.

Suddenly he looks at me, and says "what, you're not going to invite me in?" Wait what huh what date were YOU just on??? What on EARTH gave you the impression that tonight was going anywhere near in that direction?? I smiled and tried to be nice (still) saying "I'm sorry, I'm not the kind of girl to invite a man in on the first date." His response? "Fine, I guess I won't be calling you again then." That was the LAST straw.

Still smiling I looked him dead in the eye and asked if he had his phone on him.
He did.
I asked if my number was in it.
It was.
I asked him to pull it up.
He did.

I told him to delete my number, because I didn't want to take a chance that he ever call me again, not intentionally, not accidentally, not butt dialing, not drunk dialing, delete my number and take your short balding ass back to where you came from. He tried to get the last word in saying "well you don't have to be a bitch." "Honey, you haven't seen for 'BITCH' yet.

Since then, I've gone on a couple of dates, some good some bad. Some memorable, some I'd like to forget. Although I haven't met Mister Right yet, I have arrived at a conclusion (largely because a couple of good friends who are IN committed relationships keep telling me and I'm finally buying in to it....);

Dating is a numbers game.

So I have an idea, a team activity if you will, and in the next few days I'm going to organize my thoughts and tell you what it is. Are you ready? 2010 is going to be an interesting year....